it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
