no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
