Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize