Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
