She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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