I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
