I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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