Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
