Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Jerry, you need to find god
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
