I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
