My Higher Power is John Stamos
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
