I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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