i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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