apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i will never coherently bang her
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
