I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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