White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
