I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
