Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
