I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
