remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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