The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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