question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
