I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
