I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
