All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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