He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You left your underwear on the fireplace
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
