I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
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