Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
