I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
