This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
