Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
