The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
