i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
