Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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