Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
