Will you blow on my dice?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
