I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
