New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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