the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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