She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
