he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
