It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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