I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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