A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
