Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
