Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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