some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
