I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
