You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
