after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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