Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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