Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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