But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
