You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
