So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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