Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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