I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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