idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
