just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
