I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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