Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Actions speak louder than pants.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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