OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My pussy is not your playground.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
