just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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