whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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