we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
