last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
