I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
