His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
