Whod you bang
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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