every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
