Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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