i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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